Deeper

God is love. God is sovereign. God is faithful.

As Christians we talk a lot about the character of God but I think it’s more rare that we can actually articulate how we’ve seen His character displayed in our lives. We talk about His love but we don’t seek it. We talk about his sovereignty but we don’t give Him control. We talk about His faithfulness but we’re too scared to wait for it.

Since I graduated college a year ago I have seen God’s faithfulness displayed so tangibly in my life that I’m completely floored by it. His tenderness and grace have been so apparent that I’ve been reminded how completely undeserving of it I am.

Right after graduating college I went to work at a summer camp. When I agreed to go back to Pine Cove for another summer I knew I wanted to come back to Houston in the fall but I didn’t have a job or a place to stay. It was a little concerning. I knew I wanted to take a year off before grad school and during that year I wanted to grow, be challenged and really enjoy life. So my friend Katie suggested I intern at our church for the year.

I ended up getting the internship and when I said yes I knew about 10% of what the internship would entail. I knew I would be working in the Missions office and that I would be living in a condo with other girls. I did not know what my tasks were, how I would make money, who I would live with or really who I would work with. I only knew I loved my church and God had provided a place to live. I was trusting that this is where I was supposed to be. So I went to camp and learned more than I ever thought possible. The summer was a gift and was super refining. My biggest prayer coming back to Houston was that this process of refinement God had started would continue.

So I started my internship missing my camp community, my college community and had no idea what I was doing. It was a little overwhelming. My 8 months as a Missions intern were more than I ever could have imagined. I worked with incredibly wise and Spirit led people who taught me so much and loved me so well. I worked through fears, insecurities and sin. I went to New York, India and Spain and had experiences I will never forget. My perspective on the world, on missions, and on the church has been expanded and challenged. I am not the same person I was in August and the Lord has been so faithful to bring me to a place I did not know with people I had never met when all I was looking for was a place to live life and hope to grow. On my last day of interning I was overwhelmed for another reason, I couldn’t believe all that these people had come to mean to me and how much I would miss working with them.

We all have the deep desire to be truly known. We long to feel safe enough to let down our walls and reveal who we truly are-sins and all-and feel loved, cherished and valued. This is why we exist-to know God and to be known by Him. During my internship I met people who truly see me and value who I am, who have helped teach me that I am safe, I am secure in God. I know this is a gift I never could have asked for.

I’ve lived in Houston for almost five years and I had never had a car before this Easter. Let me tell you, Houston is NOT a walk-able city. I had to rely on others throughout college and this year for rides to errands, I learned A LOT about humility and having to ask others for help. I have good people in my life who willingly helped. I had begun to seriously save and pray and was planning on purchasing a car this past Spring. I had already begun to do some research when a dear friend called and told me her parents were going to GIVE me a car. I immediately started crying. How do you respond to generosity like that? God has consistently used incredible people in my life to remind me that He loves me and that His provision for me is unending.

I recently started a job that I had spent months praying for. The waiting was hard but God used it to deepen my trust in Him. His faithfulness was something I knew but it wasn’t something I trusted. Waiting for this job has healed some of that mistrust and taught me to expect miracles. There’s a lot more I could say about how I’ve seen His faithfulness this year in my life and those around me but then this post would never end.

When we say that God is faithful but we don’t really believe it, we’re like a planted tree whose roots are only inches deep. When our circumstances shift or a hard season comes we can become uprooted or spend so much time and energy clinging for security that when the season is over we’re exhausted and our trust is weak. But when we make the choice to give up control, to take a risk and believe that God’s promises are true, we see His faithfulness in action. God will be faithful, we just often don’t give Him room to show us. But when we do, it grows our trust. Our roots start to grow, to become deeper and more secure. Then when the next season comes we don’t have to try to secure ourselves because we know where our security already lies. We know that our well will never run dry. I want to be a deeply rooted tree, I want God to take me deeper. I know it’s a dangerous prayer but it’s so worth it.

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
    your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
    your justice like the great deep.
    You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
    People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
    you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
    in your light we see light.  Psalm 36:5-9

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